he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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