saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
