You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
