Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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