It's like God shit irony all over that family
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
