i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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