there was a trapeze. enough said
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
