im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I want to make a zoo with you.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
