ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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