Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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