It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
