did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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