I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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