i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize