It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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