I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
ok first of all what the fuck
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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