I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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