chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
