The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
