Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
