I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
