gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Randomize
