thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
