We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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