oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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