I want you more than these girls want KFC
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
