my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
