His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
