I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
