Got a toothbrush?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
