Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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