the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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