I cannot find my penis.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
