Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
