I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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