he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize