This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
