My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i love accidental penises.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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