I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
