Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
