I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
