dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
