new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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