So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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