i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dignity is for republicans.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
