He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
