I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
