Don't make out with my wife yet
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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