i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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