JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
