The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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