I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize