Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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