Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
