Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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