I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
