dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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