that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
