If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
