why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
