i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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