Buhtt sex?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize