I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
