Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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