I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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