Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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